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Untitled Ashton Kutcher Romantic Comedy Project
Geek
Girls Are Neat
The Dating Lame
Katherine
The Reunion Committee
Marriage Stuff
Stay For The Credits

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(Pre-English 127)

An Old Script

An Incomplete Book

ga2so.com

dogwelder.com

English 127 Portfolio
Marriage Stuff

Whenever I told anyone about getting back in touch with Katherine, how much I was enjoying our email conversation, and how the two of us had set up a high school drama geek reunion as an antidote for the "real" one, I would always get the same question: "So, are the two of you getting back together?" Katherine and I hadn't had a real, face-to-face conversation (or even a phone conversation) in twenty years and lived 400 miles apart, and people were expecting us to start picking out China patterns. I emailed Katherine my standard response to anyone who asked:

Yes. Yes we are. We've decided it would be unfair for one of us to move to the other one's city, so we're moving to Barstow. We're going to have ten kids: eight girls (Darlene, Arlene, Marlene, Esmeralda, Fancy, Donecia, Cookie, and Kitty Jr.) and two boys (Derwood and Buster). I will coach the local football team (Go Barstow Bears!) and Katherine will be a ballet instructor. In our spare time, we will be hog farmers. It's hard work, but very rewarding- when you slop those hogs, and they look up at you with gratitude in their beady little eyes and love in their hearts, you know you've done an honest day's work.

Not to be outdone, she responded:

As attractive as Barstow sounds, I think we need a clean start. I mean, Barstow , that's way too California .  So...  I'm thinking Corpus Christi , Texas because we will both be born again, having finally seen the light. The names of the chillun can remain, though.  Socky, our Cockapoo (who we adopted because anything ending in "poo" is funny, but the humor of prefix Cocka eludes us), will have a litter of two headed pups which is obviously a sign from god.  Jimmy Swaggart hears of the blessed pooches and names a ministry after the breed. (Again, the blasphemy of cocka is missed.)  The face of baby Jesus is replaced globally by a drooling a picture of Socky.

The weekend of the reunions came. The first one was the warm-up reunion, the Welby Way Class of '78 picnic. My best friend- pretty much only- from elementary school was nowhere to be found (which wasn't exactly surprising, since post-elementary school he'd led what might be called "a colorful life"; the last I'd heard about him was when the police called me to ask if I knew "where the weapons were."), but there were some familiar faces around. I walked over to where a few the most recognizable people had gathered and pretended like I didn't feel awkward in social situations; I'd taken enough drama classes to know how to fool people into thinking I was comfortable. I grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water (hand props make it much easier to figure out what to do with your hands) and nodded and smiled as people talked.

Katherine showed up a few minutes after I did, but she was smarter than me. Instead of wandering in solo and hoping to find someone she could talk to, she came with Tania, a friend she'd known since elementary school. However, even with Tania at her side to act as a security blanket, she still seemed a little nervous, absently chewing the sport cap on her water bottle. (Again, smarter than me: she brought her own props.)

I was a little discombobulated by Katherine; I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want her to feel like she had acquired a stalker. I would have been able to handle her presence without a problem if she was only capable of socializing through e-mail, but she was actually interesting in person- and so very cute. I dealt with the dilemma by becoming the worst conversationalist ever. I would walk away in the middle of great discussions with her to reminisce with people I dimly remembered about events I did not recall. At the time, I thought it was a clever way to say "You can relax. I'm not just here to see you," but she probably thought that I had acquired attention deficit disorder.

We didn't stay at the reunion very long; Katherine and Tania had a lunch date to keep and the "official" reunion to attend that night. When they left, I used walking with them to their car as my excuse to leave. I skipped reunion two (the "official" one). Reunion three was the one that interested me.

Reunion three was the one Katherine and I organized, the drama geek reunion: a barbeque at Ty and Kirsten's new house. Ty was a member of the Class of '84; Kirsten was his fiancée. Most engaged couples spend the weekend before their wedding stressing about the ceremony and reception, making emergency adjustments to suits and gowns, trying to have contingency plans for every conceivable disaster, and generally freaking out. Ty and Kirsten spent their last unwed weekend throwing a barbeque, for the most part ignoring their plans for the next Sunday. It was my idea. I thought they might like the break from the insanity. Besides, they were sort of obliged to try and honor my wishes; I was the one performing their wedding ceremony.

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